Notice the title of this blog post is not “Things I Hate #005: Zombies”. I have nothing against Zombies. (In fiction. I imagine if they existed in reality my opinions about them might change). The concept of zombies is relatively interesting and can make for a good setting. But, Jesus Christ, people! The amount of zombie shit out there is INSANE.
“Technically, Jesus WAS a Zombie, huehuehue”- Some Idiot
Take a look at this list, IMDb’s “Most Popular Zombie Feature Films Released in 2013”. There are 52 movies listed, ranging from the well known (World War Z), to the cult classics, (V/H/S 2), to the disturbing (Midget Zombie Takeover), to the just plain “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!” (Towers of Terror, in which “On September 11, 2001, terrorists attacking the World Trade Center rise from the dead as zombies.” Yes, that is the official synopsis). Now, technically, 52 films is not an excessively large number when dealing with a genre as “in vogue” as zombie but I need to remind you that this is (A) Only a list of the most popular ones, (B) Only Feature Films, (C) Only 2013, and (D) Some idiotic list from the Internet that can’t possibly cover all the trash out there. Of course, I guess the true question I should be looking at is how many more films that is on average compared to all other previous years where Zombie films were made, in order to see if there has actually been a true increase over time but I’m lazy, so screw it.
But I’m not just talking about movies here. Zombie culture has invaded almost any conceivable aspect of our daily lives (although I guess that on some scale that’s justifiable because they’re well, you know…zombies). I mean, Zombie Walks. What the hell is going on there? People literally join together to dress up like zombies and…lounge around for a bit. Are we so overstimulated with our lives that we need to role-play as dead people? I get dressing up as Vampires because those gatherings usually end in someone getting sucked, (GET IT?!) but zombies have never been particularly high up on the sexy list. Unless, this is just some chic stylistic phase I’m totally missing, where it’s suddenly cool to look like you’ve just gone down on someone while she’s riding the crimson wave.
Well, someone’s been an eager beaver!
Is it not a little disconcerting that we’ve basically glorified zombies to the point where people have escapist fantasies of becoming one? There’s enough brain-dead poor quasi-role models on reality TV anyways (ZING). I guess it’s similar to the idea of Renaissance Faires and all those people dressing up in rags and pretending to live a simpler way of life. I certainly see the appeal, but there’s a difference between going, “Why greetings there, good sire! How art though on such a fine day?” and “Huaghaeeggh”. (The difference being how hard they deserve to be punched in the face). Look, if you want a break from the “modern world” so much, you don’t need to pretend someone bit off your arm. Just turn off the TV, go outside and read a book or something.
Oh, for fuck’s sake…